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PS 3503 
. P8523 
E6 
1908 
Copy 1 



gaging Janet 



A Farce in One Act 



BY 



ESTHER W. BATES 




PHILADELPHIA 
THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 

1908 



<^b 






lYofCOHQRESSj 
I wo Go»i*s Receive© 

JUN 15 1908 

CO FY A. 



Copyright 1908 by The Penn Publishing Company 



Engaging Janet 






4- 

Engaging Janet 



CHARACTERS 



Janet Clarke, .... who is looking for a Career. 
Miss Brig&s, . . . of The Amalgamated Charities. 

Madame Maude, with a Line of Toilet Requisites and Talk. 

Miss Bumpus, of Boston, a Literary Light. 

Miss Spike, representing The Teachers 1 Training Trust. 
Miss Higgins, from The Woman 1 s Employment Bureau. 
Bridget, who helps. 



COSTUMES 

In accordance with characters. 



Time in Representation : — Forty- five minutes. 



Engaging Janet 



SCENE. — Janet Clarke's study, boxed set, a typical col- 
lege girl's room, hung with flags, banners, steins, sou- 
venirs of travel, fish-nets, etc Every chair, couch and 
divan is stacked with cushions. Dressing-table with 
combs , brushes, high-necked perfumery bottles and other 
appliances, R., table piled with books, plw to graphs, etc., 
down l. Doors up L. and c. in flat. Curtain goes up 
on empty roo?n. 

{Enter Janet, c, dressed in trailing gown and big hat. 
She takes off her hai and goes through business of sitting 
before her table, arranging her hair, inspecting it from 
side to side with a hand-glass, talking all the while.} 

Janet. O dear, I am so tired ! And Aunt Clarissa 
wants me to take dancing lessons and Aunt Eliza wants me 
to join her Bible class and mother wants me to practice two 
hours a day and Alice wants me get on to the basket-ball 
team and then they all chorus, " Why, you don't have any- 
thing to do at all bat just your college work. You must 
have lots of time ! " What was it the dean said in chapel 
this morning — that it is always unintelligent to be always in 
a hurry ! Well, then, I must be a gibbering idiot ! (Looks 
at her watch.) There, ten minutes gone and nothing done ! 
(Knock at the door.) Oh, come in ! 

{Enter Bridget, r.) 

Bridget. Here's the letther yees do be waiting for, 
Miss Clarke. 

Janet (looks at her stiffly). Lay it on the table ! 
(Waits till Bridget exits, r., then plunges over and 
grabs the letter ecstatically.) Oh, the dear boy ! (Looks 
letter all over, holds it up to the light, extracts a hair- 
pin from hair and opens it. Reads :) " Dearest Janet, 

5 



6 ENGAGING JANET 

if I wrote to you every time that I wanted to write you, 
and sent you everything that I wanted to send you, and 
came to see you every time I felt like it, you would be 
sick and tired of me!" — I don't see how he could come 
any oftener than he does now, every night in: the week, all 
day Sunday and most afternoons ! — " But when you look so 
confoundedly pretty as you did yesterday, — well, you could 
have me any time for the asking." — Humph, this isn't leap- 
year ! — " Now, Janet, darling "—Good gracious, he nevtr 
said that before! — "I want to see you to-night: there is 
something that I want to ask you, something I can't 
write. Do you know what it is ? I shall call at five, and, 
oh, Janet, dear, do be good to me ! Yours till deth, 
Arthur." Oh, heavens ! why does Arthur's abominable 
spelling ruin every letter that he writes me ! Death, 
"d-e-t-h ! " Now how can I ever show that to the girls ! 
They will simply laugh at it ! One thing, if I marry Arthur 
Hemenway, I'll make him learn to spell ! {Slowly.) If I 
marry Arthur, — why, anybody would think I was going to ! 
{Briskly.') Well, anyway, there's no use in my thinking 
or talking anything about it. I answered seven advertise- 
ments for female help — that's the newspaper term, I believe, 
— and I shall simply say to him, "No, Arthur, I cannot 
marry you, I have decided to be a female help." 

{Knock. Enter Bridget, c, with a box of flowers.) 

Bridget. These coom from Misther Hemenway, Miss 
Clarke. 

Janet {opens the box). Aren't they lovely ? Bring me 
a vase, Bridget, please. 

Bridget. An' there's a lady down-shtairs wishes to see 
you. 

Janet. Oh, show her up, Bridget. 

{Exit Bridget, c. Janet arranges flowers, looks at Ar- 
thur's picture , sighs . ) 

(Enter Miss Briggs, c, with impressment ; she is hand- 
somely dressed, middle a^ed and plain.) 

Miss Briggs. Is this Miss Clarke ? {Sits down in the 
centre of the stage.) Oh, please be seated, Miss Clarke. I 
have called to see you in regard to your reply to our adver- 



ENGAGING JANET J 

tisement for sociological workers. I am Miss Briggs of the 
Amalgamated Charities. And you think you would like to 
go into charitable work? Do you? Well, now tell me all 
about yourself. 

{During this speecJi Janet does business of concealing 

Arthur' s photograph, and Miss Briggs does business 
of producing from bags within bags Janet's letter, 
places letter on the table and makes notes while she 
talks.) 

Janet (hesitatingly). I was born in Boston and I am a 
college senior. 

Miss Briggs. Are both your parents natives ? 

Janet. Oh, yes, all my ancestors forever and ever so 
far back. 

Miss Briggs. I beg your pardon, but was your grand- 
mother white ? 

Janet (astonished). Why, of course she was. 

Miss Briggs. Excuse me, but you're rather dark, you 
know, and we could not have an African in the work. 

Janet. Well, I'm not a mulatto, if that's what you want 
to know. 

Miss Briggs (makes note). All white. Now what is 
your state of health? 

Janet. Oh, that's pretty good. 

Miss Briggs. Yes, you look rugged enough to stand 
most anything, and you'll have to if you go into our work. 
Would you be willing to dress more plainly? 

Janet. If it was necessary. 

Miss Briggs. Are both your parents living ? 

Janet. Yes. 

Miss Briggs. Does your mother approve of your going 
into this work ? 

Janet. I think not. 

Miss Briggs. Well, I pity these parents who don't have 
their children's best interests at heart. Why doesn't she ? 

Janet. She doesn't think I'm fitted for it. 

Miss Briggs. Well, I don't think that she is any judge 
of that ! Now I should think that you were excellently 
fitted for it, and I am considered a remarkable judge of 
character. 

Janet. Thank you. 



8 ENGAGING JANET 

Miss Briggs. Oh, you needn't thank me. I don't mean 
anything complimentary by it. 

Janet (aside). The best workers are like her, I guess. 

Miss Briggs. Are your people poor ? Have any of 
them bad habits ? Is there idiocy, drunkenness or insanity 
in any branch of your family? Does your father drink? 

Janet. Why, no ! 

Miss Briggs. Then your father is able to support you ? 
I am glad of that, for we do not propose to pay you 
any salary the first year; you would be merely learning the 
work. 

Janet. O-o-o-o-oh ! 

Miss Briggs. Well, to continue my questions. How 
old are you ? 

Janet. Twenty-one. 

Miss Briggs. Indeed ! Now I should have said that 
you were about twenty-six ! You're rather young for our 
work, but as you look so much older, you might do. Are 
you a leader among your mates ? 

Janet. I don't know what you mean. 

Miss Briggs. Are you prominent socially, are you popu- 
lar, have you held many prominent offices while in college ? 

Janet. Why, I should say not. 

Miss Briggs. Well, then, I am sorry, for we could have 
no use for you unless you loved humanity. ( Gets up and 
walks about waving one hand majestically.) Do you love 
man. Miss Clarke ? Do you love to get close to people? 

Janet (giggling). Well, that depends on who they are. 

Miss Briggs (dribbling on). Oh, it is a glorious, a god- 
like thing to work for humanity ! To have the great world 
love in your hearts ! To meet these poor people ! To find 
out how blessed a thing it is to give ! Now this morning I 
went down on Salem Street and found a poor woman per- 
fectly destitute, with seven small children and her husband 
ill with pneumonia and typhoid fever. And I gave her a 
diet list and a grocery order for fifteen cents, and such a 
sweet motto to put on the wall. (Draws a large printed 
placard from her bag.) See, like this : (Reads.) 

"Each morning open the windows wide 
To let God's good fresh air inside, 
And make the children brush their teeth 
To make their mouths all clean and sweet." 



ENGAGING JANET 9 

And I gave her an address, 2002 Marlborough Street, where 
she COUld go and get two pairs of old rubbers if they hadn't 
been given away already. Oh, Miss Clarke, 1 am sine you 
will like our work, you are so interesting to talk with. Do 
you always dress like that ? 

I am r {aside). Now what is the matter with my clothes ? 

MlSS BRIGGS. 1 like your appearance, your face is washed, 
your hair is brushed, your shoes are clean and neat. Now 
when can you report to us for work? 

Janet. Oh, I must ask you some questions first. What 
are the hours ? 

Miss Briggs. From eight until five, that is if you get 
your work done by five : and we require a five years' con- 
tract. 

Janet (aghast). Why, I could never sign a five years' 
contract ! I'd be an old maid before I got through ! 

Miss Briggs (with asperity). Then I don't see what 
you applied for ! Did you plan to come in and look over 
our work to see whether you liked it or not and then get 
out if you didn't? Did you ? 

Janet {rather timidly). Well, no, not exactly ; but I 
couldn't sign a contract, anyway. 

Miss Briggs. Well, there is no need of my spending any 
more time talking to you ! Good-morning. 

{Stalks out, c., as Bridget enters with a package, which she 

gives Janet. ) 

Bridget. Here's some ca-a-andy from Misther Hemen- 
way. Now ain't he up and comin' ? He's the bye for yees ! 
An' there's anither leddy askin' for Miss .Clarke. 

Janet. Bring her up. 

Bridget. Sure I couldn't ! She's that heavy. I'll sind 
her. 

(Exit, c. Voice outside : "Is this Miss Clarke's room ? 

O thank you.") 

(Enter, c, Madame Maude, a large woman, lurching heav- 
ily as she zvalks and looking all about her with great in- 
terest ; sinks into the nearest chair.) 

Madame Maude. Now, ain't this a pretty room ! This 
is Miss Clarke, ain't it? Now, set right down, my dear! 



10 ENGAGING JANET 

I am Madame Maude, my dear, representing our locally 
superior line of toilet requisites. 1 got your letter this 
mornin' applyin' for one of our positions as agents. Now, 
you just tell me all about yourself! 

Janet. Why, — you ask me what you want to know. 

Madame Maude. Yes, yes, my dear, I'm a-going to. 
Are you an American and a Protestant? 

Janet {with dignity}. I am a Daughter of the Revolu- 
tion ! 

Madame Maude (delightedly). You don't say so ! Now, 
what chapter do you belong to ? I belong to the Sapphira 
Sampson chapter. I'm regent, my dear ! Sapphira Samp- 
son, sweet woman she was, noble patriot ! Didn't you 
never hear what it was she done ? Why, bless you, at the 
battle of Bull Run, I think it was Bull Run, I'm sure there 
was a lot of runnin' there, anyhow, the cannon balls all 
give out, an' she had seven children, sweet children they 
was, too, and she bound them seven children, an' two of 
them was twins, too, right onto the cannon's mouth an' shot 
'em off for ammunition ! Now, wasn't that great ? Now, 
I tell the ladies in my chapter that we ain't got a more 
noble woman nowhere in history than Sapphira Sampson. 
Now, Abraham wasn't in it with her when he offered up 
Isaac. 

Janet. I think she was perfectly terrible. 

Madame Maude {enthusiastically). Yes'm, that's what 
I say, terrible, that's the word, ter r-rible ! But warn't she 
brave! Now, don't you think she was brave? Why I 
wouldn't touch a gun, not even a shot-gun. Why, my first 
husband got his death from a gun. Yes'm, out in Californy, 
it was, in '49, before I was born, too. Now, if 

Janet {breaking in). Hadn't we better get down to 
business? 

Madame Maude. Yes'm, business, that's what I 
say. Business first and pleasure afterward, talk business 
now and then we can have a nice pleasant chat afterward- 
Now, tell me all about yourself, Miss Clarke. Now, be per- 
fectly confidential, don't hesitate to tell me nothin'. Now, 
we want some bright, smart, interestin' young ladies to in- 
troduce our locally superior line of toilet requisites ; our 
work is agreeable and lucrative ; we pay a good salary on 
commission, ten per cent., lady, on everything you sell, 
travelin' expenses included. We'll put you in a good dis- 



ENGAGING JANET II 

trict with a sample case containin' our Lightning Lip 
Salve ! our Pearline Complexion Powder and our Face Re- 
mover. (She opens her bag and begins to lay out samples.') 
Now, you've got a nice complexion, and the first lady that 
comes to the door you say (she advances to the front of 
the stage) y "Madam, I am introducin' our locally superior 
line of toilet requisites, our Lightning Lip Salve, our 
Pearline Complexion Powder and our Face Remover ! 
You will have a matchless skin and your husband's undyin' 
love and admiration, if you will only try our locally superior 
line of toilet requisites. (Business with samples ; she 
tries them on her own face, then tries to make up Janet, 
ivho backs away.) Try this, lady, perfectly harmless, I 
made it myself. [Dips her finger in the salve and then 
puts it in her mouth.) Or this, lady, only twenty-five cents. 
Can't afford it? Now, lady, you don't look that poor. 
Try this, only ten cents. You're terrible yeller. Got 
jaundice? No? Well, you certainly look it ! These prep- 
arations cures blackheads, pimples, moth patches, liver 
spots and restores the bloom of youth to age." 

Janet (who has been vainly trying to make herself 
heard, finally puts her hand over Madame Maude's mouth 
and says decidedly). No, I can't try canvassin' ! 

Madame Maude (grieved). Canvassin' ! This ain't 
canvassin' ! My dear, now, I wouldn't never ask a lady 
like you to canvass ! This is just introducin' our locally 
superior line of toilet requisites. Why, it's the most noble 
and lucrative work in the world, goin' around and beauti- 
fyin' people. Why, you just ought to try our Magic Skin 
Remover. It will leave your skin as tender as a babe's ! 
It'll cure scrofula, epilepsy and fits ! and you can take it in- 
ternally or externally and it'll do just as much good either 
way ! Now, a nice bright hustlin' girl like you ought to 
make her fortune doin' work like this. Some of our lady 
agents is makin' fourteen dollars a day. Now, just you 
sign this little slip, and that will make it all right ! 
* Janet. I tell you I can't ! 

Madame Maude. Can't do it? Oh, now, ain't that a 
shame? Lady, this is a chance of a lifetime I'm a-givin* 
you, just because I see you was the kind of a girl to ap- 
preciate this unrivaled opportunity. 

Janet. Oh, won't you please go? 

Madame Maude. Ah, now, don't be sayin' anythin* 



12 ENGAGING JANET 

like that, Miss Clarke. It ain't a bit ladylike. Now, wo'nt 
you just try to buy a sample of me, now, dear, won't you? 
Just to pay me for all the trouble I've taken just to give you 
this great chance. You need some rouge, now, you're 
lookin' awful seedy and pale-like. Only twenty-five cents. 
No ? Just one package of Pearline Face Powder, just so as 
you can go down-stairs among all them girls I saw there and 
say, " Girls, just look at me ! Pearline done it ! " Only 
ten cents. Just try it on the girls. You ought to make ten 
dollars a day just workin' this school. Now, you won't be 
sorry you took it. Just to help a poor workin' woman. 
Or some of our magic skin remover. 

(Janet is slowly shoving Madame Maude out c. door, 
both talking at once.') 

Janet. No ! no ! no ! no ! no ! 

{Enter Bridget, c, with another box of flowers, hugely en- 
joying the situation. Madame Maude goes out, c, talk- 
ing loudly. Janet almost pushes her from the room.) 

Bridget. Here's some more flowers for yees from 
Misther Hemenway; sure there's always somethin' doin' 
when Casey's at the bat. An' there's anither leddy down- 
stairs, an' she do be different from this wan ; sure she's 
comin' now ! 

{Exit, R.) 

(Janet goes to the door c. and ushers in a gaunt, spectacled, 
but fussy and overdressed woman with a large bundle 
of manuscripts under her arm.) 

Janet {hesitating). Is this Miss Bumpus? 

Miss Bumpus. I am ! Elizabeth Barrett Browning 
Bumpus of Boston, and I am in search of a young woman 
of intense aspirations, endowed with literary gifts, who may 
assist me, advisedly speaking, in such of my lighter magazine 
work as I may see fit to require of her. 

Janet. Oh, I am sure I can please you ! I'm very 
literary ! 

Miss Bumpus. Indeed ! What makes you think so? 

Janet. Well, you see, I detest mathematics, and I don't 
like science, and the languages were so hard that I decided 
to specialize in English ! 



ENGAGING JANET I 3 

Miss BUMPUS. I never could do mathematics, either, 
and that is why I decided not to go to college. I am sure, 
my dear, that you and I have each an affinity for the other. 
1 perceive your aura and mine blend in exquisite harmony. 

Janet. Your aura? My aura? 1 haven't any aura. 

Miss Bumpus. Your aura, my dear, is that perfect 
radiating nimbus of color that surrounds each soul during 
its entire cosmic existence. It is colored according to 
temperament ; violet for spirituality ; red for anger ; blue 
for devotion; orange for passion ; green for jealousy ; white 
for love ! Now, can you perceive what trailing clouds of 
glory I bear in this astral path? 

Janet. Sorry, but I don't. 

Miss Bumpus [gushing). Violet, my dear, for spiritual- 
ity, the beginning and end of all wisdom. Now, I can see 
that your aura is a perfect celestial blue, signifying perfect 
devotion. I know that you would be devoted to me ! 

Janet. Oh, how interesting you are ! Oh, I'd love to 
be with you ! Let me show you some letters that I've got 
from editors. They don't seem to appreciate my work 
somehow.. {Runs to her desk, returning with pile of re- 
jected manuscripts.) Now, here is this man. I sent him 
a poem of my own composition and asked him if he did not 
think I showed promise. This is what he wrote me. 
"Dear Madam, if the strength of your work equaled its 
length, it would be something tremendous. Please do not 
write us again without enclosing stamps. Please do not 
enclose stamps. Yours truly, The Editor." Wasn't he 
dreadful? Now, here's another. "Dear Madam, kindly 
send us no more alleged poetry, and oblige, The Editor." 
Now, this I took down to the "Atlantic Monthly " in per- 
son ; what do you suppose the editor said ? 

Miss Bumpus. Tell me ! 

Janet {gesticulating). He said, " Not for me ! not for 
me! " 

Miss Bumpus. Now, can't you recite me some of your 
poems ? 

Janet. Oh, I'd love to ! Here is a little gem : 

Do I love thee ? Ask the sun 
Chasing round the sky for fun : 
Do I love thee ? Ask the moon 
Shining like a souvenir spoon ; 



14 ENGAGING JANET 

Do I love thee ? Ask the star 
Sputtering like a motor car; 
Sun and moon and star say slow 
Like a trio, " We don't know." 

Miss Bumpus. My dear, I perceive you. have the 
divine, sublime, self-confidence that marks the genius, but 
you have much to learn, much to learn. 

Janet. Me ? Why, I thought anybody could write. 

Miss Bumpus {sadly). It seems that most anybody does. 
And now, my dear Miss Clarke, tell me all about yourself, all 
your hopes, your fears, your aspirations. Would you be will- 
ing to cast the world aside, to say farewell to your friends, your 
lovers, to take the veil, as it were, to be wedded to your art ? 

Janet {hesitates). Well, I'd like to keep Arthur dang- 
ling, if you don't mind. 

Miss Bumpus. Keep Arthur dangling? 

Janet. Keep him on the anxious seat, you know. 

Miss Bumpus. And who may Arthur be ? 

Janet {laughing). Oh, he's just the nicest fellow in the 
world. I'll show you his picture. {Runs and gets it.) 

Miss Bumpus {looking at it, rises in horror). Oh, my 
dear ! He looks so dissipated ! That low brow ! That 
weak, indulgent chin ! Those darkened eyes ! His aura is 
all green and red ! My dear, you are lost if you marry a 
man like that ! Your auras would conflict, they would com- 
bat, and the result would be a spiritual death. 

{Here Janet snatches the picture away from her. Miss 
Bumpus backs away from her, saying breathlessly, "My 
dear, my dear, etc.," while Janet follows her, talking.) 

Janet. You ought to be ashamed. He is handsome ! 
He is a typical Gibson man ! I won't have you slandering 
Arthur Hemenway like that ! He is the best man I ever 
saw — and strong — he could throttle an ox ; he told me so ! 

Miss Bumpus {excitedly). My dear, my dear, I see red < 
flames on your aura, darting flames of red, for anger — recM 
— do not come near me 

(Miss Bumpus backs out of the room, c. door, dramatically 
warding off Janet and murmuring, "Red — red — red — 

red " encountering Bridget, who has just entered on 

the run> and nearly knocking her down.) 



ENGAGING JANET 15 

Bridget (aside, after recovering her equilibrium). 
Mother av hiven! I've lost me job now. (To Janet.) 
What are yees doing wid Misther Hemenway's picture, 
showin' it to the leddy ? He's the good-lookin' bye ! He's 
the livin' spit av me ould man Mulligan whin he was young 
in Kerry. An' there's an it her o' them women comin' up the 
shtairs. She was askin' if yees was a good disciplinarian an' 
I tould her yees was Protestan' annyhow. Mary Mother save 
your soul, ye'll have a bid in hiven jist the same ! 

(Exit, r.) 

(Enter c., without knocking. Miss Spike, obviously a school- 
marm, glasses, wrinkles, gray curls, thin, flat chested, 
plainly dressed.} 

Miss Spike. Miss Clarke, I believe. I was directed 
here by the Teachers' Training Trust. I am informed that 
you are seeking a position with us. To begin at once on a 
business basis, kindly tell me at once all about yourself. 

Janet (obediently). I am an American, twenty-one years 
of age. 

Miss Spike. Rise, please, when I address you. 

Janet. What did you say ? 

Miss Spike. Rise, when I am talking to you. 

Janet (rises meekly). I was educated in the public 
schools of this city. I am energetic and industrious, and 
have good references. (Sits down.) 

Miss Spike. Are you fond of children ? Rise, please. 

(During the following conversation Janet rises and sits 
continually, Miss Spike sometimes conveying her command 
• by a motioning finger only.) 

Janet. Very. 

Miss Spike. You'll get over that by the time you have 
taught as long as I have. 

Janet. I shall not teach as long as that. 

Miss Spike. Probably not in one place. Kindly walk 
off that I may see your carriage. 

Janet (saucily obeying her). Well, how do you like my 
looks ? 

Miss Spike. I think you are rather fresh. I will now 
ask you some questions, and fill out this blank as you answei 
me. Do you always dress like that ? Rise, please. 



l6 ENGAGING JANET 

Janet. Yes. 

Miss Spike. Very bad taste. How many of your teeth 
are filled, a., front, b., back? 

Janet. None. 

Miss Spike. Come here, that I may see if you- are telling 
me the truth. {Looks her mouth all over.*) You will have 
to present a dentist's certificate. 

Miss Spike. How much do you think you know ? You 
may write that out and send it to me, for I expect that it 
will take you some time. How much salary are you 
worth ? 

Janet. Five hundred per annum. 

Miss Spike. How much do you expect to get ? 

Janet. The same. 

Miss Spike. I will put down two hundred. How much 
do you owe ? 

Janet. Nothing. 

Miss Spike. Kindly have that statement sworn to be- 
fore a notary public, and send it to me. Do you expect to 
get married ? 

Janet. Sooner or later. 

Miss Spike. I hope you will not be disappointed. Rise, 
please. Can you teach ethnology, ethnography, psychiatry, 
pathological psychology and philosophical terminology with- 
out the book ? 

Janet. Most assuredly not. 

Miss Spike. Well, what can you do? Rise, please. 

Janet. I don't know, 

Miss Spike. Registration fee is two dollars. 

Janet. But I haven't registered yet. 

Miss Spike. You registered by implication. 

Janet. You can't prove it, and I have decided not to 
teach. Rise, please. 

Miss Spike. What do you mean ? 

Janet. Rise, please. I mean that I want you to go. 
Scat! 

Miss Spike. I shall lay this matter before the authorities. 
When I return 

Janet. When you return, will you kindly see yourself 
out? Rise, please. 

(Miss Spike goes out c, passing Bridget with more flowers.') 

Bridget. A foine business ye do be havin', Miss Clarke. 



ENGAGING JANET I 7 

These coom from the same felly. An' there's anither of 
thim divil's own unaccountable^ down-shtairs. Arc yees 
ready to see her ? 

Janet. Oh, heavens 1 What, another ? {Pauses a mo- 
ment in thought.} Yes, send her up, but I will dismiss her 
in short order. {Exit, Bridget, c.) I'll fix her. 

{Runs to closet, slips o?i red kimono, puts two red poppies in 
her hair, runs two long ornamental pins through her 
pompadour, adds fan and open parasol. Miss Higgins 
enters C,, as Janet slides slowly to the floor ', sitting upon 
her heels and bows slowly and deeply. ) 

Miss Higgins. I am Miss Higgins of the Woman's Em- 
ployment Bureau. Is this Miss Clarke? 

Janet (sweetly). Yokohama hakodate hoi. 

Miss Higgins. I beg your pardon ? 

Janet. Krishna yama ga. 

Miss Higgins. I don't know what you are saying. 
What is your name ? 

Janet. Oh Mimosa San. 

Miss Higgins. Is this Miss Clarke's room ? Yes or no ? 

Janet. Chop chop. 

Miss Higgins. Where is Miss Clarke's room, then ? 

Janet. O sana san. 

Miss Higgins. Will you show it to me ? 

(Janet rises, runs to the door, c, in the little shuffling Japa- 
nese step, and bows deeply three times. ) 

Janet. Sayonara, sayonara, sayonara. 

Miss Higgins. Where is Miss Clarke? (Shouts.) 
Where — is — Miss — Clarke ? 

Janet (shakes her head slowly). Gone — gone — gone. 

Miss Higgins. Well, I can't waste any more time this 
morning. You had better learn to speak English. 

(Exit Miss Higgins, c. Enter Bridget, r.) 

Bridget. More flowers from Misther Hemenway (aside) 
an' a dollar for meself ! 

Janet (exasperated). Now how do you know those 
flowers come from Mr. Hemenway ? 

Bridget (delivering her masterpiece'). Ain't he been 
down-shtairs all the while? an' ain't he been there all the 



l8 ENGAGING JANET 

mornin' awaitin' ? An' ain't he been to the florist's five 
times an' spindin' his money to soften the hard heart av 
yees? An' ain't he cursed all them ladies to their backs ? 
An' ain't he a-waitin' there now, an' yees won't go down. 

Janet. Is he there still ? 

Bridget (goes to the door). Sure an' he's comin' up 
here now ! 

Janet (rushes to the portiere and holds the curtain to- 
gether). And me looking like this ! Oh, Arthur, don't 
come in ! Yes, I love you, but don't come in ! (An arm 
in a nian's coat sleeve, coming through the portiere, clasps 
Janet, portiere and all. Bridget looks on and laughs.) 
If any more ladies ask for me, Bridget, tell them I'm en- 
gaged. Isn't that so, Arthur? 



quick curtain 




Practical Elocution 

By J. W. Shoemaker, A. M. 

300 pages 

Cloth, Leather Back, $1.25 

This work is the outgrowth of 
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Sold by all booksellers, or sent, prepaid, upon receipt 
of price. 

The Penn Publishing Company 

923 Arch Street, Philadelphia 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 

inn inn iiiii iiiii mil urn 



t 151 



The Naii°^ 6 ^ 4 ^hool 
of Elocution and Oratory 

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AND CHERRY STREETS 
PHILADELPHIA 



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Gborob P. Bible, 

PRINCIPALS. 



